I had an amazing epiphany tonight.

that poem I posted yesterday? it's so apt. I don't understand why anyone would choose not to love themselves, or to live life to its fullest. the trees spoke to me, and I feel it in my bones how deep and thrumming my life truly is, and how connected I am to everything. as we all are.

my art will lead me down my true path. knowing this, I've decided to set aside time to find a photographer for myself. I'm actually not that fond of taking photos, to be quite honest, although it is wonderful there's just too much technical namby-pamby for me to want to invest that much effort into it. pencils & markers have always been my bag, and always will be. nevertheless, I want to model, and I want the photos of me to reach their highest potential.

also, I went out and bought myself a Bamboo Wacom tablet. I really love the place I am right now with traditional media, but I'm soooooooo psyched to break that baby in. I'm disappointed it's smaller than ye olde Graphire, but it's so easy to use that I barely notice it.

one of the portraits I'm planning is of Mary Louise Parker. she had an article recently in Redbook (I think - it was one of my mom's rags) and there were the most amazing photos of her, I immediately started thinking about drawing one. also, a quote that made me leap inside with joy, where she says that she was crying before her monologue at the end of Angels in America because she didn't know if she'd ever get to say something that beautiful ever again. I've had that quote posted on my livejournal userinfo now for about 3 years, as I felt that it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard. and her delivery is so incredible.

"Night flight to San Francisco. Chase the moon across America. God! It's been years since I was on a plane. When we hit 35,000 feet, we'll have reached the tropopause, the great belt of calm air. As close as I'll ever get to the ozone. I dreamed we were there. The plane leapt the tropopause, the safe air, and attained the outer rim, the ozone, which was ragged and torn, patches of it, threadbare as old cheesecloth, and that was frightening. But I saw something only I could see, because of my astonishing ability to see such things. Souls were rising .. from the earth far below, souls of the dead. Of people who'd perished from famine, from war, from the plague, and they floated up, like skydivers in reverse, limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning. And the souls of these departed joined hands, clasped ankles, and formed a web .. a great net of souls. And the souls were three-atom oxygen molecules of the stuff of ozone, and the outer rim absorbed them, and was repaired.

Nothing's lost forever. In this world, there is a kind of .. painful progress. Longing for what we've left behind and .. dreaming ahead. At least I think that's so." -Harper Pitt, Angels in America part 2.


and:

"Seize the moment. 'Cuz, tomorrow - you might die." -Buffy Summers